I’m promoting a new book written by Terry Ravenscroft, The Ring of the Lord.
About the author :
The day after Terry Ravenscroft threw in his mundane factory job to become a television
comedy scriptwriter he was involved in a car accident which left him unable to turn his head. Since then he has never looked back. Before they took him away he wrote scripts for Les Dawson, The Two Ronnies, Morecambe and Wise, Alas Smith and Jones, Not the Nine O’Clock News, Ken Dodd, Roy Hudd, and several others. He also wrote the award-winning BBC radio series Star Terk Two. He was born in New Mills, Derbyshire, in 1938, and has lived there all his life.
“I seek the one who picks his nose,” said the bearded stranger.
“The one who picks his nose?” The dwarf, Rhododendron, crinkled his brow and
scratched his head in puzzlement. “Is it a hobbit?”
“No it’s a habit,” said the stranger, a tall, imposing presence dressed in long, black flowing robes that brushed the ground as he walked.
A smile creased Rhododendron’s face. “It is perhaps a stroke of good fortune that you uttered those words, stranger.”
The stranger was intrigued. “And why is that?”
“Because it is indicative of the level of humour to be found on the pages within this book; and will therefore serve as a warning to anyone seeking a more sophisticated form of humorous writing that they would be well advised to look elsewhere.”
Here is a short extract from the opening chapter:-
DREG. 5030 BC.
The Middle-earth shire of Dreg, in the Gondor region, was to be found in an area known in our times as Derbyshire, with the addition of the less salubrious part of Cheshire and the less inbred part of Yorkshire.
Tunnbledemere was correct in his judgement. And yet, if one were to stand at the wall and toss a stone in its direction to a height of not less than six feet, it would plop down on the other side. The problem arose when someone attempted to scale the wall. For having scaled it to a height of six feet they would discover that the wall had increased in height to seven feet. And when they had climbed a further foot higher they would find it was now eight feet. And eight feet became nine, and so on and so on. The highest height ever attained in attempting to climb over the wall was by a giant, who reached a height of two hundred and thirty feet, at which height he happened to look down. A tragic mistake, as it turned out, as it brought on an attack of vertigo, whereupon he fell off. Up to the present time the wall had caused a hundred and fourteen deaths, a hundred and thirteen of them when the person climbing it had fallen off, the other one when the giant fell off and landed on a passing elf. A goblin with more ambition than sense had once tried to pole vault over it, in the hope that the quick execution of the art would take the wall by surprise. The wall was not surprised, the goblin smashed into it with great force and became the ninety-eighth of its victims. Another goblin brought up the hundred when he tried to reach the other side by means of a giant catapult. Tunneling under the wall had been attempted almost as many times as climbing over it, but with a similar lack of success. For as the height of the wall increased the further one scaled it so its depth was added to the further one dug down.
Terry Ravenscroft’s new book, The Ring of the Lord, will be published on 19 Sept, price £2.99/$2.99 and you can pre-order it here –
Terry Ravenscroft is my brother-in-law and one of the funniest blokes I know.